Tess (dir. Roman Polanski, 1980)

I feel really bad for Tess throughout the whole movie. It feels like her life is cursed by the status of her family and the royal blood that connects her to a man she does not want to be with. Her situation feels inescapable, and when she finally is at her last straw and decides to kill the man who has trapped her she gets punished. In a way, the only freedom she can achieve from all this is her own death. It feels very tragic, as even the love she finds with Angel is wrought with him abandoning her. Even so, the ending feels noble especially with the music that plays and her stoic look accompanied with her line of "I'm ready." It's like she's saying I'm ready to finally face my retributions, everything in my life has led to this moment whether it came from the people who have done me wrong or my own pride. I have wished for death and it is finally granted. Throughout the whole film Tess talks of wishing she was never born. Her own misery sets the stage of her life as she ends up trapped in unfulfilling relationships and grueling labor, and finally at the end it all leads to her own hanging. I hope she finally found peace in this fate.

Synecdoche, New York (dir. Charlie Kaufman, 2008)

I have never felt seen like this in a movie before. There are countless times where I wished that someone could truly examine me and emulate all of my flaws and misgivings, every tick that I have and insecurity I let out of myself. What does it mean to be truly known? We can try to fill the void of our own loneliness with other people but eventually it all falls apart. The people who admire us eventually lose their admiration, we forget who we are and all that we have left is the present. Here and now, what will you do? Caden's own life is stuck within the misery that his wife and child have lived a better life without him. He is truly not important in their life,  so does he even really exist? The play he tries to construct of life is a way to try to analyze and observe it, maybe if he can recreate reality and see everything from the outside he can gain a greater understanding of who he is. However, this turns out to bring nothing but more loneliness and suffering. No matter how much self-awareness and introspection you hide behind, ultimately you will still be trapped within the prison of your own ego. The people who bear it with you will eventually disappear, and at the end of the day all you will have is yourself. You are not special, there is no applause for your life or the things you have done. All there is at the end is an unsatisfying fade to white, and life will continue to go on for the rest of us. We truly aren't important, but how much more wonderful is it that we can all share that together. Countless lives exist outside of our own scope and the ones that we do get a glimpse of is a treat to be a part of. Step outside of yourself so you can understand that we are all the same, you are Ellen. You are Adele. You are Caden. They are you.